Chapter 13
The day after Wakako accidentally spilled hot water on Miki’s hand happened to be the day the Saint was scheduled for her zither lesson.
As a guard, aside from her usual duties of attending to Miki, Wakako also had to undergo rigorous training in combat to ensure she was adequately equipped to protect her master.
The Saint’s days were filled with various lessons: reading, calligraphy, painting, playing the zither, etiquette…
During these times, Wakako would train alongside the other guards of the Saionji estate, practicing with different weapons.
While others grumbled and complained about the hardship and fatigue, longing for more rest, Wakako alone enjoyed coming here.
She wasn’t particularly dexterous and often felt clumsy compared to others when serving Miki. However, with a weapon in hand, she surpassed everyone else.
Many struggled to even lift an axe, but Wakako could effortlessly toss it in the air and play with it. While others were still learning to draw a bow, Wakako could accurately hit a target hundreds of paces away, without fail.
In the monthly guard assessments, she consistently ranked first. Even the training master remarked that soon, no one in the Saionji household would be able to teach her anything more.
In front of the Saint, Wakako was a servant. But on the training grounds, she was the undisputed champion. Five opponents attacking simultaneously were no match for her, only ending up bruised and battered.
The others acknowledged her superiority, and those older than her would jokingly address her as “big sister.”
It was impossible to deny the satisfaction she derived from this. Only here, on the training grounds, could Wakako truly grasp her innate talent and affirm that she wasn’t just a worthless commoner.
However, every time she returned to the Saint’s courtyard and donned her maroon robe, it all felt unreal.
It was as if she had touched the surface of the water, only to realize that she had been staring at a reflection all along, while the true moon remained distant and unreachable.
That day, she trained as usual with the others. During their lunch break, they gathered around, bowls in hand. Suddenly, one of them spoke in a hushed tone, “Be careful, you might be in trouble.”
Wakako continued eating, oblivious to the fact that the words were directed at her. Only when the person winked at her did she realize, “What?”
“I was late this morning, and as I passed by the family head’s courtyard, I overheard something.”
The person continued speaking while chewing, “It seems the Saint didn’t play the Koto well today, and the Koto master was furious. Since you’ve been attending to the Saint lately, I reckon you’ll be the one punished.”
The Saint received her daily lessons in a room within the family head’s courtyard, under his strict supervision.
“…Oh.” Wakako responded calmly, continuing her meal.
Just yesterday, the Saint had promised that no one else would punish her. Even if they did, she wasn’t afraid of pain. There was nothing to worry about.
Some of the others expressed sympathy for Wakako, murmuring amongst themselves, “That’s so unfair. She didn’t do anything wrong, why should she be punished?”
“That’s just how it is for servants. Bad luck. Hopefully, we’ll be born as nobles in our next lives.”
“It’s mainly because she serves the Saint…” They looked at Wakako with pity. “She has to be prepared to be the scapegoat at any moment. There’s nothing she can do about it.”
This sparked a wave of agreement, with many chiming in:
“That reminds me! I’m still angry! Once, I saw the Saint from afar, and because I didn’t bow in time, the steward saw me and docked half a month’s pay. So unfair!”
“I’ve been punished too! They said my etiquette wasn’t proper, but we’re not in the royal palace, why do we have to follow royal etiquette?”
“That’s nothing. At least you can still stay here as guards. Years ago, a cook was expelled from the Saionji household just because his birthday was deemed incompatible with the Saint’s, hahaha.”
“If the Saint is so delicate, she should just stay in the royal palace. Why torment us here? I pray every day that I don’t run into her, otherwise, it’s bound to be bad luck.”
“I truly admire Wakako. How can she serve so closely for so long? Hasn’t she been driven mad?”
All eyes turned to her.
Wakako paused before speaking. “No. The Saint… she’s actually… very kind to me. She even gave me my name.”
“But I heard she specifically requests you to stand guard every night. And you still have to wake up early for training during the day. Aren’t you tired?”
Wakako hesitated. “Well, that’s true…”
“See? That proves it.”
Wakako wanted to say more, “But the Saint… she’s truly kind, she…”
“Yes, we’re not saying the Saint is bad. After all, it’s the steward who punishes us. But it’s still frustrating to lose our pay for no reason.”
“Haha, the Saint is so noble, she probably doesn’t even know we exist.”
“We’re not worthy, are we? To her, we’re just ants she could crush on a whim.”
Wakako wanted to defend Miki, but she didn’t know where to begin. She understood the guards’ grievances, but…
But it wasn’t Miki’s fault.
It wasn’t Miki who dismissed the cook, it wasn’t Miki who wanted to dock their pay, and it wasn’t Miki who ordered those beatings.
She couldn’t help but speak up. “Actually, the Saint is also quite pitiful. No servant is willing to talk to her, and she’s not even allowed to leave the estate. She’s been forced to learn so many difficult things from a young age, with no freedom…”
The others scoffed at her words.
“Pitiful? You think she’s pitiful? Then what does that make us? At least she doesn’t have to worry about scraping by every day or risk her life serving nobles.”
“Yeah, with so many people attending to her needs, living a life of luxury, she’s still not satisfied?”
“Wakako, I heard you used to live on the streets. You must know what it’s like to go hungry. Why do you feel sorry for her? You should be feeling sorry for yourself.”
“Forget it, let’s not talk about it anymore.”
“Yeah, let’s not. If someone overhears us, we’ll all be in trouble!”
“Right, who are we to discuss the Saint anyway?”
They laughed self-deprecatingly, changing the subject.
Wakako stared at the food in her bowl. Usually, she could eat three or four bowls, but today, she had only managed half a bowl before losing her appetite.
It wasn’t like that.
Miki was truly kind.
Miki had rescued her from the Kitagawa clan’s prison and given her a new name. The comfortable clothes she wore, the hot baths she enjoyed every day, were all thanks to her master’s kindness.
But how could she explain this to the others? They wouldn’t listen, because they had indeed been treated unfairly because of Miki.
People only saw what they wanted to see.
In that moment, Wakako seemed to understand why, among so many people in the Saionji household, Miki had said “none of them belong to me.”
The “Saint” was like a precious treasure, a source of pride for the Saionji clan, yet they kept her locked away, untouchable. Even looking at her too long would invite rebuke.
Could someone who was deliberately isolated truly be considered family?
***
After the afternoon training session, Wakako braced herself for a summons from the Koto master, but no one came.
She idled in the courtyard for quite a while, even sneaking in a nap. When she woke, it was nearly sunset.
Wakako suddenly realized something was wrong – the Saint hadn’t returned yet.
Miki usually finished her morning lessons and returned in the afternoon to practice alone. Even if she had performed poorly on the Koto and stayed longer with her teacher, it shouldn’t have taken this long.
She inquired with the other servants in the courtyard, but no one knew her whereabouts. They even advised Wakako, “Don’t worry about it. The Saint’s absence is a good opportunity to take a break.”
Wakako pressed her lips together in silence and ran alone towards the family head’s courtyard.
She ran with urgency, bumping into several people along the way. Reaching the courtyard entrance, she gasped, “Is the Saint still practicing the Koto?”
“Shh.” The guard gestured for her to lower her voice. “Can’t you hear the music inside? She’s been playing since morning, non-stop.”
Wakako’s heart eased. As long as the Saint was safe, that was all that mattered.
The family head’s guards had their own separate training regimen, so she didn’t recognize them. It was only then that one of them recognized her face. “You’re the one who serves in the Saint’s courtyard?”
“Yes.”
The two guards exchanged a knowing look and told her to wait.
One of them went inside to report something. Shortly after, he returned with a stern-faced elder, dressed in fine attire.
He stood at the top of the steps, looking down at Wakako with contempt. “I hear you’ve been attending to the Saint lately?”
Wakako didn’t know his identity. She spent most of her time either with the Saint or in training, and she didn’t recognize many people.
She simply nodded. “Yes.”
The elder frowned and ordered, “Tie her up.”
The two guards moved to grab Wakako’s arms, but she instinctively reacted, throwing them over her shoulder and onto the ground. They cried out in pain, unable to restrain her.
“You…” The elder was furious. “How dare you! You should be punished for failing to properly serve the Saint. What do you think you’re doing?”
Wakako recalled the rumors she had heard earlier and realized this must be the Saint’s Koto teacher.
If it was for Miki, she would accept the beating.
It was her fault for burning Miki’s hand yesterday, which must have affected her Koto playing.
She stopped resisting, allowing the guards to tie her up and kneel on the ground. They raised the long wooden board and struck her back and thighs.
Seeing no change in Wakako’s expression, the elder suspected the guards weren’t hitting hard enough. “Have you not eaten today?”
They had no choice but to strike harder.
“Crack!”
Wakako’s pain sensitivity remained dull; she felt nothing.
For her, the boards striking her body only produced sound, even carrying a certain rhythm, as if harmonizing with the Koto from inside.
As the sun was about to set, heavy rain poured down, soaking Wakako completely. The water pooling on the ground turned red.
Looking down, she saw that her back was red and swollen, bleeding profusely.
Just endure it, she thought, her mind hazy. She had endured far worse hardships, what was this compared to those?
But the Koto music suddenly stopped.
A moment later, a white figure appeared at the top of the steps.
The servants behind her cried out, “Lady Saint, you mustn’t!” but they didn’t dare to stop her. They could only watch as Miki stepped into the rain.
The Saint’s usually neatly combed hair was now plastered to her face and white cloak, strands clinging together in a disheveled mess, devoid of any noble grace.
The guards stopped the beating, their hands frozen mid-air.
Wakako’s body swayed, her eyes meeting Miki’s. Only one thought crossed her mind.
Even drenched and disheveled, Miki was beautiful.
The elder, standing under the eaves, exclaimed in shock. “Lady Saint!”
Miki turned, her gaze fixed on the scene before her.
“Didn’t you say I would be the one punished?” Her voice was soft, almost drowned out by the rain. “I’ve only made one mistake in two years. I said I would stay here and practice until nightfall…”
“Lady Saint! It’s precisely because you rarely make mistakes that we must get to the root of this! When you play for the Queen in the future, do you intend to make mistakes and displease her?”
The elder interrupted, his voice filled with anger and disappointment.
“Now you’re losing your composure over a mere servant! Where are the manners you’ve been taught since childhood? Where is the dignity of the Saint? Where is the pride of a noble! You are the hope of the Saionji clan, are you going to bring shame upon us all?”
“Shouldn’t a servant who fails to serve you properly be punished?”
“Moreover, what kind of tricks did this cunning servant use to gain your favor? I will beat her to death today!”
Miki stood motionless, the rain soaking through her thick cloak.
Wakako wanted to rush over and shield her with an umbrella. But her mouth was filled with blood, making it impossible to speak, let alone run.
After a moment, Miki spoke. “Etiquette, the Queen, noble dignity, the hope of the Saionji clan… Is this all I live for?”
“Of course! You are the Saint!”
Saint, Saint, always the Saint.
Again, the Saint.
Miki stood silently for a long time, then turned and smiled at the two guards who were frozen, unsure whether to continue the punishment.
“If I may trouble you both,” she said softly, her wet bangs clinging to her face, looking lonely and helpless, making one want to reach out and help her, “please do something for me.”
The guards cautiously bowed their heads.
“Tie him up for me.”
Miki pointed in the direction of the Koto master.
The elder’s face contorted with rage, forgetting even to address her with respect. “Lady Saint, you…”
“A teacher’s incompetence is reflected in their student’s failure. If my poor Koto playing is someone else’s fault, then it’s mostly yours. You’ve punished my guard, what about yourself?”
“I…”
“You failed to teach me properly, and therefore share the blame.” Her expression remained neutral. “The family head is currently away on business, which means I am in charge, correct?”
Miki looked at the two guards, a gentle smile gracing her lips.
“So, will you obey me?”
The guards were stunned, but ultimately, they couldn’t defy the Saint’s command.
After a moment of hesitation, they reluctantly approached the fuming elder and bound him, placing him beside Wakako.
“Saint, how long should we administer the punishment?”
“However many strikes Wakako received, he will get the same.”
“But… it might kill him…”
Miki’s voice remained calm. “Whether he lives or dies is irrelevant.”
At that moment, even the guards felt a chill run down their spines. The Saint had suddenly become terrifying. They didn’t dare to question her further and silently carried out her orders.
Wakako could no longer maintain her kneeling position. She collapsed, using her hands to support herself as she struggled to crawl towards Miki, but then recoiled, pulling away from her touch.
“I’ll… I’ll stain you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Puddles had formed on the ground. Miki crouched down in front of her, glancing at her own appearance.
She was already stained, inside and out.
“It doesn’t matter.” She reached out again. “Are you in pain?”
“No.”
The elder’s cries of agony and the rhythmic thud of the wooden board against his flesh mingled with the sound of raindrops.
Miki didn’t even spare him a glance.
“They don’t actually care whether I make mistakes or not. They just want to manipulate me into obedience.” Her voice was low. “I used to be afraid, even before saying those words, I was afraid. But now, I’m not afraid anymore.”
Before, Miki had only herself. Now, she had her little guard.
Wakako’s vision blurred, and she could only make out the youthful yet vibrant features of Miki’s face.
“Like they said, I am the Saint, revered by all. So whatever I choose to do, no one can question it. I won’t be threatened by anyone anymore.”
“Wakako, it’s all my fault. I’m sorry. I told you just yesterday that you wouldn’t be punished by anyone else… I failed you.”
Miki leaned closer, her eyelashes wet with rain or perhaps tears, her voice trembling slightly.
“So, I, as the Saint, swear to God that I will protect Wakako as her master. If I break this oath, may I meet an unfortunate end.”
Wakako looked up in shock, wanting to cover Miki’s mouth, but ultimately collapsed back to the ground, too weak to move.
No matter how much time passed, she never forgot this red sunset.
Everything was bathed in red: the vibrant hues of the twilight sky, the blood staining her body, the rainwater on the ground, the stained white cloak, the swollen fingers marked by Koto’s strings, and Miki’s reddened eyes.
Just for that day, the stark divisions between nobles and commoners, Saint and ordinary people, even master and servant, momentarily vanished.
There were only two rain-soaked blades of grass, clinging tightly to each other in this vast world, as if they were all that remained.
