Chapter 82
Back at the Saionji estate, no one ever thought of Wakako as timid. They all praised her strength and her indifference to pain.
Wakako had believed this herself—until the day the Saint, in a fit of anger, killed the music teacher. Afterward, the head of the Saionji clan summoned her.
Ichiro, the family head, was a composed and serious Alpha. For a servant like Wakako, his presence usually required nothing more than a bowed head, never direct interaction. But being summoned now, Wakako understood this wasn’t an honor; it was a reckoning.
She expected Ichiro to punish her, or at least berate her, but neither happened. He even kindly offered her tea. Later, she understood. It wasn’t that the family head was kind, but rather that there was no need to fuss over a servant.
Wakako took small sips of the tea he offered, her heart filled with anxiety.
He asked her how old she was, what weapons she could use, and whether she could read and write… She answered each question one by one.
After a while, he finally got to the point, speaking gently, “The music teacher punished you, and the Saint killed him. The right and wrong of the matter are no longer relevant. We’ll only speak of the consequences. I’ve went to great lengths to suppress the news, but rumors still spread. Do you realize that just yesterday, another clan sent a letter to the royal palace, accusing the Saint of arrogance and unfitness for her role?”
Wakako didn’t know. How could she understand the intricacies of noble politics?
She only understood the words “accusation.” Someone was using this incident to make things difficult for Miki.
She asked numbly, “What did the royal palace say?”
A look of weariness crossed Ichiro’s face. “We’re still negotiating.” But that wasn’t his main point. “You were brought here by the Saint. I see you’re loyal, and I presume you wouldn’t want her to be criticized because of you, would you?”
Wakako lowered her head. “No, I don’t.”
“The Saionji clan was once just an ordinary noble family. We rose to prominence because of the Saint, and that inevitably brought envy. Many would love to see us fall—they won’t hesitate to twist white into black.” Ichiro spoke slowly, his tone steady. “This sort of thing cannot happen again. There are times when no one can stop what the Saint decides to do, but you must remember what I’ve told you today. You must always advise her against such actions. Otherwise, you’re not helping her—you’re harming her. Do you understand?”
“I understand.”
She understood the logic, but her body felt heavy, as if a massive stone pressed on her back, making it hard to stand.
As Wakako left with her head bowed, she heard other voices speaking to the family head from inside. “Master, three more clans have jointly sent a letter to the palace, also accusing the Saint… What should we do?”
“I must meet with the Queen today.”
“Master, if I may be so bold, the Saint is your cousin, raised under your care. We all know her temperament. Why would she lose control so easily over a servant? That music teacher once taught the Queen Consort. Now that he’s dead, how will we explain this…”
“The Saint has never had many companions. Perhaps she considers that servant a friend.”
“That won’t do! Will she continue to cause trouble for the clan because of this servant?”
“We’ll discuss this later. First, prepare the carriage for the palace.”
Wakako stood frozen in the courtyard. She knew the Saionji clan was in serious trouble.
The Saint had defended her. The Saint was not wrong. The music teacher had a duty to discipline the Saint, but he couldn’t directly punish her. He was not wrong. The family head was doing his best for the family. He was not wrong either.
So who was at fault? Who was left?
“It’s me,” Wakako whispered to herself. “It all started because of me.”
When the Saint committed a transgression, she too was subject to house rules. Of course, no one dared to actually punish her. She was merely confined to a small courtyard, forbidden from leaving. No one could visit her except those appointed by the family head.
That night, Wakako secretly went to the Saint’s window.
Miki was not only confined but also suffering from a severe cold, a divine punishment. But seeing Wakako’s figure through the window, she brightened and slowly sat up in bed. “You came.”
Wakako reached out and poked a small hole in the window paper. Through the tiny opening, they gazed at each other. Wakako saw Miki’s cheeks flushed with fever.
“Did you take your medicine?” she asked.
Miki looked even more frail than usual, her voice barely a whisper. “Yes. What about you? Did you apply medicine to your wounds?”
“I did.”
Wakako couldn’t hide her worries. Miki saw immediately that she had something to say and asked what was wrong.
“I…” Wakako lowered her head in shame. ” Did I cause trouble for you and the Saionji clan?”
Miki’s eyes turned cold at those words. “Did someone say something to you?”
She spoke earnestly, “These is something your master should worry about. You don’t need to think about anything.”
Wakako pressed her lips together. “But I’m just a servant. I don’t want you to be criticized because of me…”
She was clumsy with words, and ended up angering the Saint.
At thirteen or fourteen, Miki hadn’t yet fully adopted the composure expected of a Saint. Her temper was more volatile than it would later become. Moreover, her illness made her emotional, and her voice trembled slightly as she struggled to maintain her composure. “Then go back to the Kitagawa clan. Don’t be my servant anymore.”
Then, in a moment of frustration, she grabbed a piece of clothing to cover the hole in the window paper, cutting off their line of sight.
Wakako said, “I’m not leaving.”
She didn’t know if Miki had heard.
That night, the Saint’s fever worsened. Servants bustled in and out, bringing water and medicine. Wakako stood by the window all night, praying to God to transfer Miki’s illness to her, until dawn broke.
Later, she knelt outside the temple all night, but it was useless.
Nothing happened.
Over the next five years, similar incidents occurred many times. For instance, the steward who had withheld Wakako’s wages was expelled from the Saionji estate. Others didn’t say much openly but looked at her differently and gossiped behind her back.
Although the steward was in the wrong, he had been embezzling for a long time. It was only with Wakako that he was finally caught. With this precedent, everyone was afraid of crossing her, and the whispers about the Saint behind her back grew more malicious.
The first time Wakako heard such words, she beat those people severely. But the second time, the third time… she gradually realized that the more she retaliated, the worse they spoke.
Then there was that nightmare of a banquet where a noble young master from the Kiyoshi clan died in front of her. Once again, the Saint stepped in to handle everything. She had the other frightened young nobles sent for medical treatment, appeased the Kiyoshi clan, offered compensation, and suppressed the incident as quickly as possible to prevent leaks.
But the young nobleman’s parents wouldn’t let it go. They threatened to take the matter to the royal palace, demanding the Saionji clan hand over the servant who had caused their son’s death. In the end, the Saint used certain methods to silence them.
The Kiyoshi clan, unable to swallow their anger, secretly spread rumors detrimental to the Saint and the Saionji clan, causing the family head further trouble. Soon, all the servants knew what had happened.
The servants didn’t feel sorry for an unfamiliar noble young master; they just snickered and said, “Wakako, you’re so lucky to have a master who’d do anything for you. With the Saint’s protection, you can do whatever you want.”
“What’s the use of envying Wakako? You should envy the Saint! She could probably get away with murder!”
No… it’s not like that.
Don’t say such things about Miki.
Wakako even went so far as to beg the family head to hand her over to the Kiyoshi clan, to give them closure and end the matter.
But the family head only shook his head. “The Saint has intervened on your behalf. There’s no turning back now.” He closed his eyes wearily. “Go about your duties. Matters between clans are not so simple.”
Wakako still didn’t understand. She only lowered her head and said, “Don’t they just want to take their anger out on me? If you hand me over, everything will be resolved.”
The family head said calmly, “But the Saint wants you.”
Wakako froze.
She could hear that the family head wasn’t blaming her, only stating the facts. But his words still cut her like a knife. “If the Saint wants you, the Saionji clan will keep you. Serve her well, and you will have fulfilled your duty. However…”
He paused.
“I’ve told you this before. Do you remember? The Saint favors you. You must always advise her, and prevent her from acting rashly again.”
In fact, the family head knew everything. He was older, experienced as the head of the clan. He understood the meaning in Miki’s gaze when she looked at Wakako, but he didn’t interfere directly, nor did he make things difficult for Wakako.
Whether it was out of love for his cousin or concern for the clan’s reputation, Wakako was grateful that he had spared her dignity.
There was one thing she had only ever confessed to the clan head. “Actually, I don’t want the Saint to favor me so much.”
This surprised him. “Why?”
Miki’s favoritism was obvious. When she wanted to be kind to someone, she was blatant about it. For example, she would send boxes upon boxes of gold, silver, and jewels to Wakako’s room without ever asking if she wanted them.
Wakako wasn’t ungrateful. She just… she just couldn’t overcome her own feelings.
“The Saint cares for me. I should be happy, but every time she harms herself, it’s because of me…” she whispered. “But I never wanted her to do anything for me. I’m even feel afraid.”
Afraid that the closer she got, the more misfortune she’d bring to Miki. Afraid that it was all her fault.
The night they eloped, as Wakako floated in the waters of Jinxin Port, watching Miki surrounded by the Saionji clan, that familiar feeling returned.
Every time, every single time, she was the one who put Miki in danger.
The frail Saint found courage because of love, daring to defy God at all costs.
And Wakako, who had swung her sword countless times on the battlefield without blinking, felt fear because of love—afraid that one wrong move would lead to an unacceptable outcome.
All of this stemmed from love, and she hated herself for it.
No matter where she was, Wakako had always been the bravest. But it took her a long time to realize that, for her, fear had already seeped into every part of her being.
She was an orphan with no family to care about. The people of the Saionji clan were all gone. She had only Miki left.
So when she looked at Miki standing before her, she didn’t even dare to reach out her hand.
She simply…
She simply cared for Miki too much, so much so that, without realizing it, Wakako had become someone she no longer recognized.
