Chapter 130: Pain
Between Buddha and Demon (Part Eight)
Mo Wen turned to Yu’er and said, “Your clothes are still wet, Yu’er. Go change into something dry before you catch a cold.”
Both Yu’er and Qing Jiu had been soaked after falling into the trap, and neither had had a chance to change. Mo Wen’s suggestion was perfectly reasonable.
Yu’er’s eyes flickered subtly, a hint of suspicion in her gaze. She was skeptical of Mo Wen’s intentions in sending her away at this moment.
Mo Wen had yet to experience Yu’er’s cunning, which had sharpened over the past six years. At their first encounter, she was caught off guard, and if not for her ability to mask her emotions, her surprise would have been obvious.
Qing Jiu coughed softly, drawing attention to herself. “Ah, yes,” Mo Wen quickly added, seizing the opportunity. “Qing Jiu’s clothes are wet too. She’s weak right now and can’t risk getting sick. Yu’er, please bring her some dry clothes as well.”
Yu’er’s gaze lingered on Qing Jiu’s pale face before she turned to leave.
Once the door closed behind her, Mo Wen took Qing Jiu’s other wrist to check her pulse. The findings were the same, causing her to exclaim, “How can this be? It shouldn’t be like this. You, you…”
Qing Jiu withdrew her hand, adjusting her sleeves calmly.
Mo Wen, frustrated by Qing Jiu’s composure, couldn’t express her anger through facial expressions, so her voice took on a sharp edge. “Your pulse is weak and erratic. The poison is deeply entrenched, and your vital energy is depleted. You’re… you’re dying, you know that, right?!”
“I know,” Qing Jiu replied softly.
Mo Wen grabbed at her clothes, attempting to undress her. “Yu’er said you’ve been with the Ghost Sect all these years. Their antidote should have kept the Gu poison in check. It shouldn’t have deteriorated to this extent. It must be the old wound! Take off your clothes and let me see!”
Qing Jiu covered Mo Wen’s hand and said softly, “Mo Wen, even if you examine me a hundred times, the result will be the same.”
“You…” Mo Wen felt a surge of words stuck in her throat, suffocating her. In frustration, she grabbed Qing Jiu’s wrist again, checking her pulse as an outlet for her dissatisfaction. After a deeper examination, she felt a sinking feeling in her heart, ” ou won’t even make it through the winter. You haven’t even given me a year… Why didn’t you come to me sooner? Maybe I could have found a way…”
She had finally made some progress in understanding the Gu poison, but whether she could find a cure remained uncertain. Even if she did, would there be enough time? What if she needed rare herbs, or had to travel to distant lands to find a hidden cure? A few months were hardly enough.
Qing Jiu’s face was filled with guilt. “I spent six years with the Ghost Sect,” she explained. “I was barely able to walk until the beginning of this year. It’s not that I didn’t want to find you, but I knew my condition was beyond saving, even with your extraordinary medical skills. There’s simply not enough time to do anything. Not enough to catch up with all of you, not enough to rekindle the warmth of our bond before I have to leave again. To offer a glimmer of hope in the darkness only to snatch it away… it would be too cruel.”
“Qing Jiu already died once,” she continued, her voice breaking. “Why make her die again?”
Mo Wen shot to her feet, the force of her movement toppling the stool behind her. She paced around the table, her frustration and anger palpable. “You… you underestimate me!”
If not for her unique physique, her face would have been flushed with rage by now.
“Do you want everyone to hear you shouting?” Qing Jiu asked.
Mo Wen dragged all her medical scrolls onto the table, pushing them towards Qing Jiu, “Trust me, I can find a way. Even if it’s just a few months, I can find a way!”
Mo Wen walked over to Qing Jiu, knelt down, and wrapped her arms around her, saying, “Don’t die. I don’t want you to die. Don’t abandon me like Master and Shishu did!”
Qing Jiu’s nose stung, a wave of bitter sadness washing over her.
Suddenly, she thought about why people mourn the dead. For the living, it is an expression of their deep longing and sorrow for the departed. If the departed could know, they might feel a shameful, satisfied joy that they are not forgotten, that so many remember and miss them.
For so long, Qing Jiu had been indifferent to life and death. No one would rejoice in her survival, nor would anyone grieve her passing.
But now… the person who had shared that wine recipe with her, who had reassured her, “The jianghu is so vast; you will definitely find like-minded friends worth entrusting your life to.”
She did find such friends and felt that shameful sense of satisfaction and joy. But with it came a deeper, more profound loneliness. She still had attachments to this world, things she wasn’t ready to let go of.
Their sadness brought her both joy and pain.
“Even if I leave you, you still have Yan Li,” Qing Jiu said, gently patting Mo Wen’s back, her voice hoarse. “And now Linzhi, Hua Lian, Yu’er, Brother Qi, and even Yang Chun…” She paused, then added, “Alright, Yu’er is coming back soon.”
“It’s not the same. It can never be the same.” Mo Wen released her hold, her eyes fixed on Qing Jiu. “You can’t leave. Yan Li can’t leave either. No one can leave! I’ll find a way.”
“Alright! Alright! I’ll listen to you, I can’t go anywhere now, so you don’t have to worry about me leaving.” Qing Jiu soothed her, trying to keep her from raising her voice so that everyone wouldn’t find out.
She smiled bitterly to herself, wondering why she was hiding this from them, knowing that sooner or later, they would all find out.
Qing Jiu massaged her temples, her mind racing, desperately seeking a solution.
Suddenly, there was a knock from outside. Turning her head, Qing Jiu saw Yu’er push the door open and come in, holding a set of clothes for her, “Go change.”
“Yu’er…”
Qing Jiu stood up, still unable to articulate her thoughts clearly, knowing now was neither the time nor the place to speak.
Her voice trailed off as she stood to leave. Noticing that Yu’er hadn’t moved, she realized Yu’er intended to stay and question Mo Wen.
Qing Jiu turned to Mo Wen and said, “Mo Wen, I’m going back.”
Mo Wen, her eyes still red, absently responded, “Okay…”
She looked up at Qing Jiu, rubbed her eyes, picked a scroll from the pile on the table, glanced at Yu’er, and said, “Yu’er, I need to keep studying these medical scrolls. You should head back. We can talk tomorrow.”
Yu’er turned to look at Qing Jiu, but she was already gone.
The next morning, as the mist filled the valley and everyone was planning to leave, they realized it might be more troublesome if they waited until daylight, when the disciples of Xuhuai Valley brought food for Mo Wen and discovered everyone had fled.
However, Mo Wen said they could not leave yet; she openly admitted that Qing Jiu’s gu poison was very troublesome and they might need Xuhuai Valley’s help.
Yang Chun was startled: “Aren’t you and the Valley Master of Bai at odds? The moment we mentioned your name, her face changed, and it was terrifying! If she finds out you escaped, she’ll definitely suspect us. Instead of helping anyone, she’ll throw us all in prison!”
Yu’er asked Mo Wen, “Is the Xuhuai Valley truly our only option?”
Mo Wen did not lie, but under Yu’er’s piercing gaze, she felt inexplicably guilty and hesitated, “Yes.”
Yu’er pondered for a moment. “Then we stay. Qing Jiu and I will stay with Mo Wen. The rest of you should leave the valley. If we end up imprisoned, so be it. Valley Master Bai is a compassionate healer. We’ll appeal to her empathy, remind her of the life she saved. Surely she’ll offer her assistance.”
“If you’re staying, then we all stay,” Hua Lian declared. “It’s better to face this together. Besides, if Ze Lan doesn’t reveal our involvement, even if Valley Master Bai suspects us, we can simply deny everything. They have no proof that we helped Mo Wen escape.”
Yan Li agreed, “What Hua Lian said is right.”
In the end, it was decided that only Yang Chun would leave the valley. He was fast on his feet and could provide assistance from the outside if anything happened.
That afternoon, someone came to confront them, but it wasn’t Bai Sang. It was Zelan.
News of Mo Wen’s escape had reached the Xuhuai Valley, but Zelan hadn’t betrayed them. The elders assumed Mo Wen had knocked her unconscious and fled on her own. Bai Sang hadn’t revealed Mo Wen’s presence to Yu’er and the others, so she couldn’t openly accuse them of helping her escape.
Zelan came to inquire about the disturbance in the secret archives, wanting to know if it was their group who triggered the mechanisms. She was furious about being knocked unconscious and their unauthorized intrusion.
Everyone apologized profusely, and fortunately for them, Zelan’s anger was quick to rise but also quick to dissipate. They hardly had to say a few soft words before she calmed down.
They continued their stay at the small courtyard undisturbed. The Xuhuai Valley disciples, aware of their debt to the group, treated them with utmost courtesy, granting them freedom to move around the valley. This, however, posed a problem for Mo Wen. To avoid detection, she had to remain hidden during the day, only venturing out at night.
That day, Hua Lian obtained two jars of medicinal wine from an elder of Xuhuai Valley, which was said to strengthen the body and clear the mind. He pulled Qing Jiu aside to drink in the courtyard.
As the wine flowed, Hua Lian asked Qing Jiu, “Have you gathered your thoughts?” he asked. “Are you finally ready to tell me what you’ve been up to all these years?”
Qing Jiu propped her head up with her hand, rubbing her forehead, and murmured, “Where do I even begin…?” The prospect of shattering the joy of their reunion, even slightly, felt unbearable.
Hua Lian smiled and suggested, “Why not start with little Yu’er? Did you know she picked a branch of camphor from the Lin estate? She even holds the deed to the property now.”
Qing Jiu looked at him as he flicked his folding fan casually, “Don’t look at me like that,” he said with a playful grin. “My eldest brother’s business is expanding, and the north is Mingjian Manor’s territory. A deed to appease the young mistress, ensuring smooth business dealings, is a worthwhile investment. Of course, it was my eldest brother’s idea.”
Qing Jiu snorted, not quite believing him, “If you hadn’t said anything, your eldest brother wouldn’t have gifted the deed to someone else.”
“Nonsense, nonsense,” Hua Lian countered. “What belongs to Little Yu’er is yours, and what’s yours is hers. It’s not like it was given to a stranger.”
“Be careful with your words,” Qing Jiu warned, her tone flat.
Sensing the shift in her demeanor, Hua Lian turned serious. “Qing Jiu,” he asked, “Yu’er mentioned that you promised to marry her six years ago. Is that true?”
“Think carefully before you answer me. This is not something to be taken lightly!”
Qing Jiu put down her cup, “I did say those words.”
Only then did Hua Lian relax, smiling, “So it wasn’t just wishful thinking on little Yu’er’s part.”
Qing Jiu shot him a sidelong glance. “Don’t you find this whole situation a bit… absurd?”
Hua Lian closed his fan, twirling it between his fingers. “Don’t underestimate me, my dear,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ve read countless tales of love and loss, of extraordinary romances that defy convention. Besides, haha, I never would have guessed who you’d fall for. But now that I think about it, absurd and unconventional suits you perfectly!”
Qing Jiu finished her wine in one gulp, smiling quietly without a word.
“So, when’s the wedding?” Hua Lian pressed, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “I imagine her father, Manor Master Jun, won’t be easily swayed.”
Until now, Qing Jiu had managed to maintain a fragile illusion, avoiding reality, clinging to the present moment.
But the word “wedding” shattered the illusion like a sharp blade, forcing her to confront the harsh reality. There was no place for her in Yu’er’s future.
A pain as if her heart were being torn apart overwhelmed Qing Jiu. Tired of dealing with Hua Lian’s probing, she forced a smile and dismissed, “Don’t be ridiculous?”
“Ridiculous?” Hua Lian laughed. “You’re the one who shamelessly proposed to a girl so young. You must have been trying to appease her.”
Noticing Qing Jiu’s pained expression, Hua Lian’s smile faded. “Qing Jiu,” he asked, his voice laced with concern, “you’re not seriously…”
“No,” Qing Jiu interrupted, her voice barely a whisper. “I love her.” The weight of those words settled upon her, leaving her feeling drained. She closed her eyes, unable to hide her exhaustion. “But I can’t be with her.”
Hua Lian, relieved by her initial confession, sputtered in disbelief at her final statement. “Bullshit!” he exclaimed.
Huhuhu, Mo wen.. and DEFINITELY BULL- like Hui lan said! Thanks for the chapter!
I NEED A HUNDRED THOUSAND YEAR OLD PYTHON STAT!!! PREFERABLY LIKE 100 OF THEM. PREPARE THE FORCE FEEDING SQUAD, WE HAVE A WOMAN TO SAVE!
in all seriousness, thanks for the translation 😭